


Striving for Peace

by Young_Professer



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Force Ghost(s), Mild Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:41:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23846146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Young_Professer/pseuds/Young_Professer
Summary: I got this AU idea in my head and couldn't get it out so I wrote it down. To see the whole process go to @youngprofesser on Tumblr.
Relationships: Depa Billaba & Mace Windu
Kudos: 34





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know how much I'll be writing for this au so scenes will be added in chronological order as I write them.

"May the force be with you." Mace nods at his Commander, and the two turn and head for their transport. Caleb and Grey automatically do the same, but Depa hesitates because there's something missing. Something unspoken lies heavy in the air and it keeps her feet from moving.

"Master…" Caleb mutters questioningly, tugging on the mental equivalent of the sleeve of her robe. She hums in response, still watching the men depart and sure enough, Mace slows and his weight shifts to turn around. Now she looks at Grey. "You two go on." She says quietly.

Grey nods and puts his hand on Caleb's shoulder. "Come on, Commander." 

Her padawan's curiosity stretches through their bond and pokes at her, and she gently but firmly pushes him away, pulling up light sheilds around their connection so he gets the message to keep to himself.

Mace strides towards her with grim purpose, looking far more intent than if he had simply forgotten to tell her something so it's only a mild shock when his hand comes up to press firmly against the side of her face. He looks directly into her eyes, inhaling slightly but she cuts him off before he can speak.

"Save it for when you come back." Depa says, because whatever promise he's about to make she doesn't want him to have to worry about during this mission.

She raises her own arm, meaning to remove his hand but his eyes flash with sudden regret at her words. Her heart lurches, then sinks as she understands and instead her fingers curl to wrap around his.

"You're not planning on coming back." She says, so softly she can barely hear it herself. The light exhale that escapes Mace's lips is all the confirmation she needs, and her chin tilts towards the ground as she processes what this means.

There has never been a situation on any mission that they have ever taken together that Mace set up a plan even with the possibility of his life being taken, though she knew he had been willing to sacrifice himself if the need arose. He still was, but he also knew his responsibilities. His death would strain the entire order and GAR. If his survival was not in his plan, there must be a pivotal shatterpoint he must break- or rather, must be broken at the expense of his life.

His palm shifts the slightest bit on her cheek, tilting her head back up so he can meet her eyes.

"I do what I must." He states, almost as quiet as she had been.

_I'm sorry to hurt you, but this is the only way._

His hand slides out of her grasp and back to his side, and in the force his presence slides almost completely behind impenetrable shields, concealing any emotion from leaking through.

"I love you." He says.

Depa knows that. She's always known. So it's easy to look straight back into his eyes and say. "I love you."

They bow to each other, as is customary for an exchange of such significance, and turn to their separate paths. 

Depa doesn't reach into the force as she walks away, she doesn't let her step falter or let herself look back. She knows if she does the goodbye will become too painful for both of them.


	2. Chapter 2

Depa sits relatively alone. Styles is on a crate behind her, and Caleb and Grey are somewhere nearby. Since Mace has left she's been tense, anticipating the feeling of his death and wondering how painful it will be for a bond as deep as theirs to rupture. Then the feeling of heavy, absolute dread that had been hanging over her increases tenfold, making her still, and in her mind something snaps. 

  
Pain floods her senses, sharp and blinding. Her body pitches forwards in reaction, the breath leaving her lungs as her chest constricts. The only thing that keeps her head from slamming against the table are her hands that come flying to grasp at her head as if she could sink her fingers into her scalp and get the pain to stop.

  
Somewhere outside of the bubble her awareness has shrunk down to Depa hears Styles's shout of "General!" and knows she should respond but the pain is so great she can't do anything but sit and struggle for breath. The air warms on her right side as he hovers close to her, carefully not touching but his concern and curiosity is so great he might as well be searching her with his hands. 

"General are you alright? What happened? Can you hear me?"

  
She can, but only distantly over the throbbing of her head, and that is nothing compared to the shrieking emptiness in her mind because her bond with her master is _gone_. In the place where there has been a tether connecting their minds for more than three-quarters of her life there is nothing but an open wound. It hurts more than she thought possible. 


	3. Chapter 3

Mace's funeral is over, and has been for a few hours, but it is not until just now that Depa finds herself alone in her room.

She sits on her bed for a moment, letting the silence envelop her before reaching into her robes and drawing out the object Ponds had given to her. 

A note pad and stylus- one that had to be at least twenty years old. Mace had almost always kept on him since he had been elected to the council. Her hands shake once as she presses her hand to the screen and it scans her palm before lighting up in confirmation. 

Depa's eyes sting as she gazes at the screen and sees that every single note is open to her. She can almost feel Mace's presence through the familiar slant of the handwriting as she skims through the first few titles. _Council notes. Meditations. Lightning Strategies. Clone Names._ And at the top of the screen the most recent one is dated the morning of the day he died, simply titled _Depa_. 

Depa takes a breath, closing her eyes to let the emotions wash over her, and opens the file.

_Depa, I'm not going to record this message to make sure it cannot be tampered with. Unfortunate, maybe, because it is easier to get emotional in writing. I write this with absolute certainty that by the time you read this I'll be dead, and Grevious with me. I know you'll be angry because I could have left and survived, but I've foreseen this. It's a shatterpoint, not unlike the one on Geonosis, and I am willing to sacrifice myself to bring an end to this war my mistake started._

_I have a few favors to ask of you. First is that you take on the lighting squadron under your command. All of them are loyal to a fault, and would surely petition to serve me posthumously if they could. But they need a general to run their operations under and I know you will be able to handle them. They are good men, and will serve you well._

_Secondly, please make sure to check up on Plo for me. He will surely throw all of his energy trying to take care of anyone and everyone as Master of the Order. He'll probably mother you as well. Let him for a bit, it's healing to him, but make sure he gets his rest._

_Lastly, remember how much I care for you, and make sure you take care of yourself. Take a few extra hours of meditation alone when you need to. Do not feel like you must go out of your way to "carry on my legacy." You are my legacy, as Caleb will be yours, and you are more than enough._  
_Be at peace, Depa Billaba. The force is with you._

_Mace._


	4. Chapter 4

Depa bolts awake silently, sweat pouring down her face. The panic of her dream does not diminish as she lies in the dark, her heartbeat so fast she can barely hear it. The adrenaline from waking drives her to her feet and she walks the few steps out of her bedroom into the common room where the silver city light illuminates the room just enough so she can see. 

All of the sudden she feels like she is going to fall over so she sinks down on the couch, clenching her hands into fists on her lap as she breathes. 

In.

Out. 

The perspiration on her body quickly dries, and she tells herself that her body is trembling from the sudden cold.

In. 

Out.

The air shifts around her and Depa tenses, feeling the presence of another when she should be alone in her quarters. But she doesn't move, because the presence is warm and open and impossibly familiar, because her master is dead. 

Despite this, she can just barely feel the hands that press gently onto her shoulders and on instinct she tilts her head back into the comforting gesture. Her head falls on empty air that somehow feels full with that same, steady presence. 

"Master?" She whispers. 

The fingers rest heavy, invisible and not completely physical but distinctly there, and an impression of words drifts in the force and unfurls in her mind. 

_I'm here._

Her next breath is shaky, and Depa aches to move, to reach her hand up and seek more contact but she doesn't. Part of her is paralyzed by the fear that if she shifts even the slightest bit Mace will disappear and turn out to be just a figment of her tired mind. She dares not even reach deeper into force, because she wants this moment to last as long as possible before she'll be alone again. 

_It is unlike you to fear the unknown._

Again, the words come to her and she feels them, full of chiding and underlying concern. He's right, she usually would not- and she should not be frozen in place right now. So Depa takes in half a breath, then speaks again. 

"I didn't want you to leave." 

The admission hurts more than she thought it would, and she brings her knees up to her chest as if to stave the ache there, ignoring the twinges of pain from not-so-old injuries the movement causes her. She reaches into the force too, but can't find Mace's presence. It remains a whisper that she is unable to touch, one that tingles on her skin. 

_I cannot stay long._ Comes the answer, and the warm weight of his hands slides off of her shoulders to brace her upper arms, holding her steady. 

That Depa knows, but the thought brings her no grief because to have him here now is blessing enough. She had known that preservation and even projection of one's spirit was possible, but it was so out of the realm of Mace's strengths and what he had studied she hadn't thought she would see him again in her lifetime. 

_Are you at peace?_ She breathes into the force, not quite able to form the words out loud. 

Mace's presence swells, and it surrounds her like he's leaning over her. _I am._

A few tears slip down her cheek unbidden, but they are borne of relief as much as they are grief. Mace had been tortured by guilt, exhaustion, and sadness during the war. To know he is at peace soothes a bit of the ache in her heart. 

_Are you?_ He asks.

Depa breathes out slowly, because there's so much she wants to say. She aches to tell him about Caleb and how fast he is learning and how can she keep up? What should she do with some of the questions of his that she simply can't answer? She wants to tell how the Lightning Squadron is succeeding brilliantly, how Plo has done so much for her these past few weeks and how grateful she is. But they're running out of time and in the end all she can do is answer his question. 

"I'm getting there." She mutters aloud, the admission to herself as much as it is to him. 

_Good_. He squeezes her arms, and Depa feels her master's pride like the warmth of a sun. Then his presence begins to fade, and she closes her eyes, trying to feel him for as long as she can and commit the sense to memory. 

A moment later he's gone, and she's alone again. But the silence is a bit easier to bear now, and the nightmare that woke her is removed to a distant memory that will be gone come morning. 

_Thank you._ She thinks, releasing the thought into the force although Mace can't hear it. _I know we'll be alright._


End file.
